The Test

I don't know for how long i will have to go through all this.It has been happening to me ever since i was four.AT these times i feel nervous,anxious and sometimes scared.My heart starts palpitating .I get queer glances,my room becomes unkempt,i remain an object of derision.My dietary habits change ,my sleep goes for a toss. My speech becomes indecipherable.I get long attacks of amnesia.My face looks sullen and sleep deprived.Why! just why do exams come?

They come when you least want them to.And come in the order of most difficult subject first.(as if that matters!!)And you can't cheat,you can't ask doubts at the last moment and you can't go to tuition because of them.(then how the hell are we supposed to clear them??) You can't play coz you have exam.You can't go to a party coz you have exam.You can't go on a vacation coz your exams are near(next month ain't that near after all!!).You can't watch a movie with friends coz they are all nerds who fail in exams.(god knows wat nerds they are talking about. i know only one who says he loves exams).It is strange that this four letter word has changed my interpretation of time so much.If someone says the neighbours are going for an outing i say their exams may have been over.

over??OH i forgot!They never get over.One or the other remains.When you clear maths you face history and the baton is forever passed to one another in concentric circles so that you never manage to get out of their trap.I wonder why their nomenclature is different if they are all same.Term tests,unit tests,class tests,driving test,blood test,eye test,IQ test,half yearly exam, entrance test. Funny.really.It is strange how everything we do depends upon our performance in exams.Inspite of the fact that i try my level best to keep my performance at par with the passing marks, i do get nasty stares from bespectacled spooky maths teachers and the red line of report card haunts me.

That was in tenth.The math teacher was so pleased with me for getting marks in single digits.(easy to total you know!!).In fact she used to declare..."this girl has individuality..originality...innovative ideas.She does each sum in a strange formula that i have never taught.She has strange knack for identifying fellows of her type and copy answers from them so that both of them get equal marks." At graduation level things are easier.I come to graduation because higher secondary was a tale of horror for my teachers instead of me. As soon as i used to enter the class my teacher would welcome me with a helpless smile.Poor lady our chemistry mam'--- Mrs Maya,she would struggle with her small frame and mount herself on the full size board to draw carbon structures and chemical reactions while i would laugh away at the sound of the chalk wondering why all carbon structures can't be fullerene .Biology mam would stuff my brain with botany that i would literally start seeing my DNA .Poor physics sir..i could never understand his examples in eleventh.(i used to laugh at them thinking they are jokes.)And in twelfth i remember i did a wrong acid test and my chemistry mam ducked under her desk thinking a nuclear holocaust had occurred.The lab was closed for two days because of my unique capabilities.

I was talking about graduation.It was easier because,the exams increased in number but decreased in severity.We could study how much we want or just nothing at all.There were no parent teacher meetings and lots of free time.But now as i go higher up the ladder of studies i fear what lies next.Having written the exams time and again,i am still struggling to find a correct way to face them.(ie,if there is any!) Lets see how many more to go for me.....

The Introspection

I have nothing particular to do with rickshaws.Neither do i have a soft-corner for them. But nonetheless i take them to office whenever i go, and in fact take them wherever i can. They are small ,irritating and gruelling .It sometimes feels like they are fitted with amplifiers.One jerk on the road and they go flying high in the air.Urban alternative to bullock cart.Poor rickshawallah whisks his rickshaw all day through the traffic ,meandering it through curves and tilting it on the rocky terrain specially created for us by PWD.(speed breaker) devoiding me of the opportunity to become prince(saving me from falling into open manholes along the road).I am comfortably seated on the rickshaw all this time enjoying the regular roller coaster of delhi roads. The rickshaw jumps,jerks,swerves and squeals but I reach office in time and hurl my 20 rs towards the rickshaw driver rather unthankfully.

My journey ends.But another one begins.From the building gates to the office lift.from office lift to second floor.From second floor to my desk.The rickshaw just follows me wherever i go...i somehow can't get over the images of rickshaws scurrying in the backdrop of gurgaon sky scrapers.There is something quintessentially old world about this.The Rickshaws are eco friendly, don't create noise when they run,they don't have the potential to kill.Their horn creates tingling in the ear. But you can't ignore them.They manage to create a stir inspite of the city noise and blur of vehicles.They can't protect you in rain or sun or can't even make you reach fastly.That's one reason why i like them.

They don't prevent me from seeing the sun.They keep me close to drops of rain.They help me see the potholes which i have learnt to ignore(courtesy four wheelers).We may ignore problems but that doesn't cease their existence.They teach me how one can prepare for ascent or descent in life.They teach me to read the contours of the sky.They teach me how to make amends,to repair what i spoil.They have taught me to read the signs of time.They inspire me to be myself inspite of everyone.They teach how not to get bogged down by a towering personality.They teach me how to be different in this mundane world. And the best gift they give me.......they slow down time........so that i get more time with myself around.

They give me all that this city can't.Sun,rain,fun,time and something that i had lost....myself.And yet i clearly acknowledge in the breathe of Delhi 'air'...what's so spectacular about a rickshaw??i wonder why they are there?

The Beloved Abode

I was a little girl of three when i was carried away to a distant land,where sun is as abundant as rain.The land of coconuts,the famous ayurveda hub,Kerala-- God's own country!!Kerala gave me more than i could take,far more than i could expect and much more than i had wanted.

This tropical elongated coastal plain on the Malabar coast is as famous for its placid backwaters as for its turbulent beaches.It is so difficult to capture its nostalgia on this page.A melting pot of tribes,communities,religions and languages,this place has moulded me way beyond comprehension.As we stands gazing its ostensible greenery and the awesome fauna one suddenly finds oneself away from materialistic pursuits.The coconut trees and the temple mahouts are an integral part of Kerala.Onam,Christmas are celebrated with fervour and so are Pongal and Vishu.The mouth watering idlis and vadas,the stuffed dosas and tingling pickles are a travellers delight.

Though i was born in Delhi,Kerala never appeared to me as a "second home".In fact,i still love the place as my own.My friends and my school constitute the best part of my memories.The fun filled 'onam sadya' treats,the rivers in the backyard,knee deep wading through rain water.....this place is truly divine.

The laid back life of Kerala helps you know what exactly is life.Where you have time to watch the rain fall,where you can count endless sunsets,where you can feel the cool sea breeze,where you can see temples and oil lamps,where you can smell the fresh jasmine flowers,where coffee tastes like heaven and where life seems like life.Where u have no hurry of being ahead and no worry of falling behind.

Where you can live each moment like a lifetime.See elephants dancing from tilted rooftops,and draw water from well,splash in nearby pools or build sand castles.Where u can see endless coconut trees and temple mahouts.

I never realised how time flied by and i turned seventeen.Life was beautiful but birds have to ultimately return to their roosts and so did i.Delhi came calling.I had to return to my home and leave behind my domicile.No regrets but there was pain of leaving something behind....which will always live within me and will be called mine....

Kerala...the land of miracles,---a country divine------

A day in my life

Today i rejoice the myriad hues of sun
lazing around on the string cot
peering at the sky with narrow eyes
wondering at the blue expanse of limitless depth
flowing easily into my bottomless mind
teasing the dark days into hiding
watching shadows grow long,then short and get longer again
listening to music within
disentangling my own dreams
enjoying the recoil and yet
hearing the stomach growl
for some fresh cooked rice
devoid of struggle,devoid of strife......
a decade of bliss in a moment's life!!